Archive for the ‘Thoughts & Comments’ Category

.: Talking to Fairytale Epidemic about “278 ~ Male Friends :.

Comment Disclaimer: Cynical viewpoints may be expressed!

I’m not sure where to start so I’ll just jump right in, neck deep…

Firstly: If you’re a beautiful young woman, which I think it’s fair to say (without sounding too much like a creep) you are, then more often than not guys will have interests in you that you simply will not share / reciprocate. This (potentially) leaves you in the rather unfortunate situation that the vast majority of men you encounter will be at best a flattering non-interest and at worst a pestering nuisance.

The trick I suppose is finding a way to deal with all of the crap that floats your way in such a way as to dismiss it and let it carry on right past you, whilst still being able to spot the rare odd ‘gem’ that might otherwise be lost in the sea of dull rocks.

The counter-point to this is that some things that might look like dull rocks on the outside have rare and precious gems inside them, others may simply need a polish.

The problem as I see it is that in todays self-centered, consumeristic, ‘disposable’ lifestyles where everything is throw away, many (perhaps the majority) of people see ‘love’ this way too. Since many people never really know what true love is they simply learn to want to find comfort and company so as to not be alone. Sadly of course too much these days ‘comfort’ and/or ‘company’ is taken to simply be the physical side of things, and in this way relationships become shallow, meaningless acts of self satisfying lust and loathing which when they break or end we simply replace with a new one, like a light bulb that has blown or an old toothbrush that has worn out.

Some people see it this way and they take a pro-active role in this lifestyle, actively throwing away old for new relationships like they would shop for clothes or something. Others merely do this on a purely functional level – when one relationship breaks or ends then they try to find a new one. The former typically being the ‘dumper’ and the latter typically the ‘dumpee’.

BUT (and we’re talking J-Lo x Beyonce = One very BIG but!) for someone who either has experienced true love and wants to again, or even someone still holding out for that first “OMG WOW”, you have to learn to be very patient and very self sufficient in terms of maintaining yourself, your own happiness and contentment in life. — My theory is “You have to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with someone else”! — So this is the challenge and struggle, to NOT give up and slip in to the same shallow practices as those around us but to maintain ourselves and maintain our hope and to keep ourselves open to new people and possibilities despite all the other crap we may get drifting in to and out of our lives.

I do think that men and women CAN be ‘just friends’ but that this is much less common than the situation(s) where at least one of the parties involved wants things to be more. Really both people have to be stable and happy in themselves and not to be looking for anything more than friendship. Of course sometimes things develop in to more over time, but then this is a natural process and creates (in my view) a better and more stable relationship (potentially). Truthfully good friendships can also help us to maintain ourselves in the absence of a romantic relationship, although they have to be ‘good’ friendships too. For me at least in all forms of relationship I seek an open and honest connection with no pretexts or pretenses, sadly these days even finding a GOOD and genuine friend seems just as hard as finding love.

Also — my apologies, I think this ‘comment’ is actually longer than your post. Oh well, thanks for letting me share my thoughts/feelings

This is a response to and/or thoughts provoked by huascarmedina in his recent poem If Only My Hands Were Free.

I think many of us struggle to silence the world so that we can find peace, or at least to quiet it enough that we may hear ourselves think. Other people it seems are quite capable of living while all of the worldly noise constantly surrounds them. I wonder if they are truly themselves or just echoes and reverberations of other lives going on around them, and as the sound waves from these lives crash and wash over them maybe they are swept out to sea, some perhaps drown in it.

We must steady ourselves against the tides of other people’s lives as they rip and pull at us, moods rising and falling with every ebb and flow. We must know when to stand fast and strong, and when (the going is in our favour) to strike out for the shoreline. Find our feet on dry land again and bask in the warmth of the sun, yet many never leave the sea-front and soon find themselves back in the water again. Are we playing and having fun? Or is there some darkness lying in wait for us, out there in the deep? Pulling at us with it’s thoughts, longing to hold us tight in it’s cold embrace and make our homes a watery grave.

I much prefer the good solid rock of a sturdy mountain beneath my feet (like a Goat), or the vast open expanse of grassy plains and sun-baked Savannah (like a Lion), or perhaps even the tree tops of a great forest or jungle (like an Eagle). All of which provide beautiful vistas so that I may see the world far and wide, 360°. Yet with my eyes closed I can smell the sea again, drawing nearer in this ever changing landscape, it is time to move on.